im doing this thing for a blog where you take a picture of yourself and a poster with what your rapist said, and then this girl puts it on her blog. its really awesome.
some people show their faces, some people dont.
i think a part of me still doesnt want it to be real. still makes excuses that it wasnt as bad as i say, that i was scared for no reason and really, i should just call it regret since i let him do something i didnt want him to do.
i mean, once he started, i was an active-ish participant? i mean, i felt nauseous afterwards and glad to be done, but i wasnt afraid during it, once it started i didnt try to stop it.......
it was still rape though. he made me say yes. he made me unable to say no. i didnt try to stop it because i didnt think i could. it was STILL RAPE.
this will make it real.
and dammit, if im going to finally accept that it's real, im not going to hide. i think ill just keep hiding from all of it then.
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